so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
