My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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