just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
