After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
