Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
