My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
