It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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