Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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