My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i have herpe
just one?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
