how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I touched a dick in church today
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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