Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
