I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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