I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
