Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
