Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
