would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
