drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
