Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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