Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
