My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
