like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
