As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
