Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
