oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
