If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
