Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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