you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
