i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
