and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
