You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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