oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
