no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize