My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
