she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
