if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
