Swine flu. Run for my life!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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