a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
