there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
