sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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