I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
