I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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