i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
