Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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