I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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