why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
