I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
