when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
