Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
