I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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