I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am one with the molecules
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
