i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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