ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
