He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
