Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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