Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
