they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
