I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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