Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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