Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
A bitchslap is in order.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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