dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
