I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
