this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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