and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
