i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
