piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
