If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
