she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
