I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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