Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
