At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
