i think my mom watched the whole time
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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