So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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