Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he fucked my hip out of place.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize