someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
