he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
