Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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